More thinspiration

Decided to give you lovely people some extra thinspiration today, I love these pictures. They're AMAZING <3 Even Rachel Wood is my idol.

Even Rachel Wood.

Winona Ryder.

With love, Max. (Female,17)

That one friend...

We all have that one friend who to you, is completely perfect. She might not even be your friend but you wish more than anything in the world that you could be exactly like she is. She's everything you want to be but no matter how hard you try, you'll never be her. I hate it when people say things like 'Don't try to be something you're not'. I think it's a really ignorant thing to say because even they will have an idol or someone they look up to. Some people have to keep this dream alive and everyday get closer and closer to their goals or they'll have no reason to live.

For me, it's my best friend in the world. She is amazing. I'm not a lesbian or bisexual I just love everything about her. She's funny, smart, charismatic, skinny and everyone likes her. In all honesty, she's kind of like my cousin who, when I was younger, I always wanted to be and even when she went off the rails I always thought she had a perfect life. I took after her in so many ways, my family would constantly point it out to me because I have this weird way of doing things that was so artistic and unique. Even when I found out she had an eating disorder I wanted that too. I know it sounds ridiculous but at the time I didn't think there was anything wrong with her or me even. I thought it was just a way to lose weight and it made me feel better.

I know I'm rambling on with myself and there's thinspo at the bottom if you cba reading this (I'm just on a rant today). Anyway... Yeah I didn't think throwing up after a meal was bad so I tried it once and it just wasn't for me. I couldn't make myself sick so restricted. I would eat nothing at breakfast and nothing at lunch and then eat half of my dinner (I told my parents I had eaten loads at school) and after a while it started paying off. I was a very chubby child weighing in at 137lbs at the beginning of high school. Urgh thinking back to it makes me cringe. I know this is not an eating disorder but It helped me slim out to begin with. I hated people pointing out that I had lost weight because it meant they had been studying me and I couldn't bare people looking at my fat and weighing me just by a first glance. The only thing I could stand was the fact that I had lost weight but the reality of still being fat made me sick to my stomach. Then blah, blah, blah, 3 years passed... I became bulimic... I still have it... and so on... 

The only thing worse that being caught with an eating disorder is being caught with an eating disorder when you're still fat. Urgh the humiliation. Never get caught, it'll destroy you. But don't take it too far because then you die and what use are you skinny but 6 feet under? No one cares what you have achieved then... So yeah, I make myself sick pretty much every day of the week but at least now you know why I am the way that I am. Not that you're interested, you're just here for the thinspo ;) So now that I've had my rant, here you go ladies (and gents?) Oh and wish me look with losing weight! <3 I love you guys!

I thought this would be a nice change! Enjoy the rest of your Sunday guys, stay excellent! :)

I've not been around much lately...

If you're in recovery and are easily triggered please don't read on :)

AND, if you would like to talk confidentially (check me and my big words!) feel free to email me at Max_Forever@live.co.uk
I know what it feels like to have everyone look down on you for what you chose to do with your own body so you can trust me. That's one thing I can promise.

Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't been around very much lately I've had a lot on my mind... I never intended to come back to this, I promised myself I wouldn't. But here I am, stuck in my own stubborn ways but I'm actually happy to be here. Happier than I've been in a long time to be quite honest. I don't see why people struggle to understand why we do the things we do, I mean, fat people aren't happy. Anyone can put on a brave face and a fake smile and call it happiness  but what is it to truly be happy? You need to be comfortable in your own skin to feel like facing the world for another week and I'll do whatever it takes now, I'm tired of hiding away. I don't seem to get much time alone lately but I'll post as much as I can. I really don't recommend living the way I do and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy but if you really don't care about your health go ahead, I'm not going to stop you.

So welcome to my blog guys, enjoy!

We all know Brittany Murphy died of anorexia whether her family want to admit it or not but I'm not going to lie, she was beautiful.

Her disease killed her. Restrict food if you must but don't starve yourself.

Email me if you want to talk.