So, Christmas has been and gone... I hate Christmas. The worst freaking time of the year. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm Catholic and I'm all for Jesus (Woohoo, go Jesus) but who ever thought "Let us all eat food under the watchful eyes of our families and eat some more and while we're at it, eat a whole lot more" -- Didn't they ever stop to think that maybe we're eating far too much here?? Boooo... Or Bah Humbug should I say? I'm not going to lie, it had me purging up to 3 times a day for, I don't know... 2, maybe 3 weeks? Sorrrrr-ie for not having the Christmas spirit! Grrr.
So yeah, the whole point of this blog today is to tell you that I'M PREGNANT.... Just kidding! I'm actually just letting you know that I've gained weight and I'm a failure. I got so ill from purging too much that I had to stop in order to get better. The pain was unbearable and I regret to say that gaining was a small price to pay for recovering from whatever illness I had. But now I know that I need to get back on track. Not because I gained a couple of pounds but because my mental health is suffering for it. I cry constantly about weight gain and am getting paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me because of MY insecurities, I take it out on him and he's done nothing wrong.
TO TOP IT ALL OFF... We (My boyfriend and I) have been invited to this party with all of his friends from his previous course and it just so happens that they're mostly girls. Yay. Another reason for me to be paranoid. I don't want to go because all those girls are prettier/thinner than me and I wouldn't be able to sit there and watch him pay attention to them all. I can picture it now; my lovely, wonderful boyfriend having his fugly girlfriend in a room with all these gorgeous women thinking "Why am I still with this bitch?!". We both know they all 'like' him and think he's hot and I know for a fact one or two of them were on the 'list' we discussed. You guys know the list... The it-we-weren't-together-I-would-totally-shag-her list. (excuse me for the language, I'm thoroughly P.O'd).
So I have 2 weeks to lose as much weight as possible. I will restrict and purge. This isn't a healthy way to lose weight but it's the only way I know. Besides, I can't let anyone know I want to lose weight because they all think I'm crazy anyway, I wouldn't want to be forced back to my families version of 'recovery'. There is nothing wrong with me.
Anyone need help, it's always available from me at Max_Forever@live.co.uk
Everything you say to me WILL stay in confidence, I promise you that now. Good luck guys, stay beautiful.
Here's some thinspo. Happy days.
